Caveman of the Month – Adam Richman
COTM – Adam Richman
We are going to start a new column where I tip my club to someone in modern life, living the caveman dream. There are several ways you can really shine in this department:
1. Extreme Health Awesomeness
2. Physical Accomplishments
3. Lifestyle breakthrough
4. Lack of give a fuck (my favorite)
Adam Richman
COTM – Adam Richman
For those of you that don’t know, Adam Richman came into the spotlight with a show called Man vs. Food. He would essentially scour the universe for extreme eating contests. Let me tell you, Cavemen love nothing more than some good grub. I applaud his efforts and saw some impressive feats of human consumption. However, this left Adam looking like this:
“I’m just big boned”
That alone pretty much meant that he was a fat guy who ate a lot on TV. Not entirely caveman material. However, Adam took charge and lost the weight. 70 lbs! Good job Adam!
*golf clap*
That alone would ALMOST get him to caveman status. But here is where he earns my praise.
Being a bit of a celebrity and TV personality, Adam is required to maintain Facebook, twitter, and other social media presence. He put in the hard work and shared his progress with the world. Adam was so proud of his hard work and discipline that he shared it with the world. He even, gasp, used a hashtag #thinspiration.
Well, now we should all know that you can’t use #thinspiration. One more time, to help this come up on google searches #THINSPIRATION.
Now, I am no internet genius, or twitter master. I maintain a twitter account for the sole purpose of distributing these rantings to the universe, errr… webiverse, whatever. But apparently, you cannot be proud of being thin. No no. There was one particular angry internet troll named Adipose Activist that took it upon herself to “educate” my man Adam.
Whoa, I have heard the camera adds ten pounds. How many cameras were there?
#wheresthebeef
#moo
Now that is a bitch that could skip a meal or two.
Now, I need to qualify some things before I go any further.
1. Being fat is not genetic. Your genetics do not put pizza in your mouth and place your ass on the couch every night
2. If you struggle with weight issues, there is help out there. Please seek it out.
3. Being overweight is hard on your body. It shortens your life span and takes you away from your friends and family sooner.
4. “Big boned” does not exist. I have never seen a skeleton with a double chin.
5. I do not “hate” fat people. I do hate lazy people who make excuses.
6. I have struggled with weight issues my entire life, but believe in my ability to affect change in my own life.
7. Did I mention I hate excuses?
Okay, back to our Caveman of the Month, Adam.
Adipose trolls Adam’s twitter and “educates” him on the dangers of #thinspiration.
“thinspiration is very popular in pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia circles, generally consisting of pictures of emaciated bodies, mantras like ‘what’s more important, that slice of pizza or a thigh gap?’ and suggestions, tips, and motivation to either starve or purge. (Regardless of whether or not you agree with dieting, starving or purging are things that should never be encouraged.) Without context, thinspiration may not seem like a bad word, but a simple google search proves that it was created by a community of people with eating disorders to inspire each other to continue and celebrate their illnesses.”
Okay, I will bite. Let’s do a google image search and see what comes up. First three google images that pop up (since modern people don’t have the attention span beyond that)
I’m gonna be honest, I don’t believe these images are promoting bulimia or eating disorders. These look like the physiques of women who eat clean and exercise. I really like #3 as it shows someone who struggled with weight and overcame the challenges to improve their health. I think that is a very powerful and positive message. However, some people cannot see past their own insecurities and instead of putting in the work themselves, would rather bring other people down to their level on the couch. In none of these pictures do I see an “emaciated” body. I like how the above quote lumps dieting, starving, and purging in the same club.
This is where Adam starts to earn some serious cave cred. His response: “DILLIGAF?” Now, he loses points for doing the whole short text acronym thing, which I despise, but whatever. For those of you who may not know, and I had to look it up, that stands for:
DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A FUCK.
*cue applause* #thinspiration #DILLIGAF
So the fat ones rally and engage in a twitter barrage on poor Adam. I am sure his phone didn’t stop with the updates and his agent and publicist probably insisted that he respond. I’m sure he felt like he stepped in front of a firing squad at the Country Buffet. But he didn’t puss out.
*gasp #thinspiration #cword
#youshouldhavebeenablowjob
I have followed this in the blogging world recently, and most people criticize my man for his comments. The only thing he did wrong
Aside from that, I think he had some good comments in there. Maybe should NOT have used the c-word. People don’t like it, but I think it was merited. I mean, leave her lady bits out of this, she probably hasn’t seen them in a long time. I love this one:
“Grab a razor blade & draw a bath” hahaha #thinspiration #eatadick
Personally I would have told her to suck start a shotgun, but to each his own. Adam even throws it out there that no apology is coming. Bravo…..
Wait….
The power of the internet…..
The power of lazy fat people who are parked at their computer all day….
And his upcoming show is cancelled. Oops. #nevergofullretard
His apology:
“I want to apologize for my inexcusable remarks. My behavior was unbecoming and unacceptable. I’ve long struggled with my body image and have worked very hard to achieve a healthy weight,”
“Instead of responding to comments with compassion, I lashed out in anger,” he continued. “I’m not asking for sympathy, but rather understanding and forgiveness. I can say with certainty that I’m taking a deep look at myself and I’m incredibly sorry to everyone I’ve hurt.”
While he said he wouldn’t apologize, I get it. You have to keep the media machine happy. I am sure he was under incredible pressure to apologize. So while I think he should have stood his ground and continued to NOT GIVE A FUCK, I give him a pass. I have the luxury of a day job while I write this blog. His TV gig is his day job. So you have to continue to put food on the table and provide a roof over your head. I get it man.
Here is where I stand on the issue.
I think we live in a messed up world, where you aren’t allowed to be proud of your health and fitness accomplishments. He should have been commended for his progress.
I think it is sad that it is okay to be proud of being obese, but you can’t be proud of being fit.
You can take pictures of your fat ass eating three Big Macs because you think fat is beautiful, but yet you claim your obesity is “genetic.”
Everyone in the blogosphere is so afraid of offending people, that right when we get to the meat of topics, everyone retreats with apologies and PC comments.
Well, I don’t make a living from this page, so here we go.
To Adipose Activist –
You are fat.
It is not a good look.
You are the reason my plane tickets cost more.
If my man Adam needs to apologize for being thin, you need to apologize for being fat. ‘Tit for tat.’ Fit for Fat? I may be onto something here. #fitforfat
So, to Adam Richman, I tip my club to you this month and say Bravo. Keep doing it right. You go eat the largest hamburger in the US or the hottest Buffalo wings in the South. Just make sure you don’t miss a workout and eat clean the rest of the time. You sir, are an honorary Caveman.
And don’t fix your Give a Fuck, I like it broken.
Caveman Maslow Part 1 – Physiology
Well, I have been slacking once again. Instead of giving excuses, we will just get on with it. This post is long overdue and has nothing to do with diet or exercise (finally).
Mrs. Caveman and I have recently been working to get debt free and build a solid financial future for ourselves and our little one. But there is so much advice out there (good and bad) that it is difficult to wade through the filth and find something really worth sticking to.
We were given the opportunity to do Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (DRFPU) through a local church and while skeptical at first, I am very glad we chose to attend. This post is not about that actual experience, but rather about some larger issues that it made me think about.
A while back, I took a Project Management course and one of the topics was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Essentially, you look at the pyramid and start at the bottom. You can’t move up the pyramid until you have conquered the items in you current level.
Moving on up….
So, by working with combined intensity to pay down our debt and create financial security, we are currently in the first level. Now, we have a couple of those items already mastered (cough, cough, wink wink) but food and water come into question if there isn’t any money to go to the grocery store.
Coincidentally, we are in baby step #1 of the DRFPU so at least we are consistent. Also in DRFPU, you may not progress until the baby step is complete.
Given another month and we should be not only onto the next level of our Hierarchy of Needs but also onto baby step #2 of DRFPU.
So, what does all this mean and what does it have to do with living Caveman?
Think of basic survival training, what are the first things you need to ensure when in survival mode?
1. Shelter
2. Water
3. Food
Funny, those items are on the bottom of our Hierarchy pyramid. Those are also the items that Cavemen spent the majority of their lives fighting towards. Many people say water first, but you can survive 3 days without water. Exposure is your first concern.
What do you think the fate was for a Caveman who skipped those basic steps and tried to jump to a higher level too quickly, say by pursuing their love of painting or searching for a mate? They probably didn’t make it.
Try not to eat the paint chips…
I see the same issues in modern man. People who can’t afford the mortgage (shelter) who drive new cars. People who can’t buy food for their children but wear expensive clothing. Those who can’t maintain basic standards of health but have internet and cell phones with unlimited data.
Modern life constantly bombards us through media, advertising, entertainment, and social pressures to pursue the shiny and frivolous things. These are the items seemingly praised in mainstream media. However, there is no emphasis on building a strong foundation for these items. Modern society is touting a lifestyle similar to building houses on sand. By pursuing esteem and self-actualization prior to ensuring basic survival. People wonder why depression an anxiety are so common place? Let’s see, maybe it’s because as modern society we have failed to take care of very basic items for survival. It’s kind of like trying to sleep, knowing you left the front door unlocked. You will never rest at ease knowing you haven’t done what is necessary to ensure your own safety as well as the safety of those around you.
Here is the beauty of the whole situation, we have the power at our disposal to reject these ideas and build lives with solid foundations so that our pursuits of esteem and self-actualization can rest on something stronger than sand. In that situation, you can rest comfortably knowing that storms and outside factors will have a much harder time influencing your course. It’s like locking that front door and ensuring that the bad things have been protected against for another day. There is not better sleep, than that of a father who KNOWS that his family is safe.
So what is the Caveman family doing to build this solid foundation?
1 .The first, and most important step is we are working on this together as a family. Any pursuit like this isn’t worthwhile without total buy-in by your spouse or partner. Also, if your children are old enough to voice an opinion, then they need to be on board too. Cavegirl is 19 months, so we just try to keep her breakfast out of her hair at this point.
2. We make the house our #1 priority in the budget, following by food, utilities, and insurance. There is no point planning for vacations and fun, if you are going to come home to a foreclosed house.
3. We are building our emergency fund. According to DRFPU, we are starting at $1,000. We will feed it monthly, and once our debt is all paid off, we will work to get at least 6 months into that bad boy. We are pursuing these with intensity and without excuses.
Once these items are complete, I am confident we can move on up our ladder. How much sweeter will love, esteem, and self-actualization be if we have taken the steps to ensure they are planted in something solid.
They can rest easy…
We will be like our Caveman ancestors who put in a hard day or days work to find a suitable cave, gather food, keep the children safe, and protect that shelter. I will bet that they slept like rocks knowing they did it right. Those are the ones who survived to create the gene pool that is modern man today. I will bet they saw their fair share or lazy or overeager cavemen who perished because they were busy hunting the latest Mammoth designer loin clothes or chasing frivolous things instead of taking care of the most basic of needs. So when the storm came or invaders arrived, that unprepared caveman was easy prey and fortunately his genes went with him.
At least this loin cloth is designer….
Cavemen are Persistent
Something I learned over the last year, is that when you set out to achieve a goal excuses will hunt you down and try to derail you all along the way.
For example, I had committed to be in he gym at least 4 days per week.
This sounds easy enough. The gym is on my way to work. If I go to the gym before work, I miss all the traffic. I can shower at the gym which saves me some money at home on utilities.
I talk to a lot of people that make similar goals and it doesn’t even take a week for the excuses to pile up. See below for typical excuses and my responses.
“I forgot my gym bag”
Leave a packed bag in your car. Once I did this, gym attendance became a breeze.
“I remembered my gym back, but forgot my lock”
Most gyms have daily use locks. If not, leave your crap in your car.
“The gym costs money”
The cost of an average gym membership ($25-$50 per month) is less than one doctor visit and much less than almost all of you pay for tv service.
“I’m tired”
I know the feeling. Going to the gym actually makes me feel less tired.
“The gym is crowded”
Make friends.
Now, I bet you are wondering why we are talking about persistence. Well, as you may have seen on my previous post that 2014 I would run a marathon.
Here is the significance. I. HATE. RUNNING.
In my mind, running makes you look like this.
So hungry….
I would rather look like this
I too am hungry
However, my curiosity has gotten the best of me. I continually hear about “runner’s high” so I am setting out to see for myself what running has to offer.
Also, since every Caveman should be a good hunter, running looks like a valuable tool.
If the clip below doesn’t show you some persistence, I am out of ideas.
Does it matter that I ate a steak and drank a half gallon of water while watching that video?
Since I typically over think everything and have to do gobs of research before ever making a decision, I started to read up on marathon forums regarding training and diet.
Here is what I found:
Run, a lot
Eat Carbs
Hmmmm….. Two of my least favorite things. What to do, what to do.
The running, well, not a whole heck of a lot I can do there. Just like lifting, if you want to get better, you have to put in the time.
But the diet; something had me stumped. Why so many carbs and so little protein? At the same time, all of the people taking this advice are complaining about joint and bone issues, pain, fatigue, injuries…. there must be a connection.
Here is my take.
High carb diets are typically high in bread, pasta, gluten, etc
These items are known to cause inflammation
These items DO NOT help your muscles grow or repair
So you have people putting tons of miles on inflamed joints, not feeding their muscles, bodies going into catabolic states, and disaster is just around the corner.
Glycogen
The argument for high carb diets for runners is to increase the stores of Glycogen
Essentially glycogen gives you energy. Energy allows you to run. I see where we may want to eat carbs.
Muscles are made of Amino Acids which are the second largest component of muscle tissue (1st is water).
Now, here is the bit of information everyone likes to ignore.
Carbohydrates -> Glycogen
Amino Acids -> Muscle Tissue (Growth and Recovery)
Amino Acids -> Glycogen
WAIT?!? WHAT? You can provide the body with the necessary energy to perform without supplying carbohydrates?
There is a lot more to this (read: ketosis) but this is it in a nutshell. Rather than providing carbs as fuel, you can provide fat and protein for your body to run on. In theory, this should enable a person to maintain some muscle mass while training for and running a marathon. This is my plan.
The Plan
DIET
Diet will continue to remain largely the same. High Protein, High Fat, Low Carb. I am going to work harder this time to reduce carbs and see if I can push through the wall to achieve ketosis, which is really where great results have been recorded. This group seems to be experiencing very positive results with ketosis.
Training
Training will consist of 4 days per week running, 2 days lifting, and 1 day of rest.
The running days will follow a gradual progression towards marathon distances, with a half marathon test throw in around the middle.
Thinking about running this for the half marathon. http://www.horsetoothhalfmarathon.com/race-information/
I mean, any marathon that ends at a brewery sounds good to me. It has actually been a challenge to find local running events that aren’t run by elitists. Hoping that this one fits the bill.
Lifting will focus on the four large lifts we have been builing for the last year: bench, overhead press, squat, deadlift
Looking to maintain strength rather than get greedy and attempt to do too much and fail at both goals.
I am currently wrapping up my second week of running, and all seems to be going well. I will report back periodically and possibly post a running log to track my progress online. Also, look forward to some gear reviews as apparently running has become quite to expensive hobby.
See you all on the road.
2013 Recap
Well well well, 2014 here we are.
Generally an author would recap the previous year before beginning a new adventure, so let’s start there.
In 2013
We ventured out to bench/squat/deadlift 1,000 lbs combined – Still in progress
Lost 4% Body Fat
Received PMP (Project Management Certification)
We began our MBA
We completed many projects around the house/garden (more on this later)
We veered a bit in our career only to find ourselves somewhere much happier
We watched cave girl learn and grow to much enjoyment
Goals 2014
Run a Marathon
Pass the FE (Fundamentals of Engineering)
Continue MBA
Complete 1,000 lb challenge
Win a body transformation contest
Eliminate 50% of debt
Continue to watch cave girl grow
Upcoming Entries
Marathon Training
Gear Reviews
Eliminating Debt
Finding Happiness
Necessary Skills
Stayed tuned….
Bad Caveman
Bad Caveman….
Wow, I have been a bad caveman. It has been 6 months since reporting any progress! Let me tell you, I hope none of you were relying on my advice to survive. With that said, if you were relying solely on the advice of an internet caveman, you may want to get your melon checked.
A lot has happened in the last six months. Baby cavegirl has grown to where she can walk and talk, I have started a new job on a different career trajectory (more on that later), I have started going back to school, and well, we have shifted priorities in the weight room.
Let’s recap:
When we left off in April, I was 199lbs and 20% BF. I was eating Paleo and lifting heavy weights. None of this has really changed. I have maintained around the 195lb mark and hover around 20% BF. Definitely not something worth bragging about on the internet, but there is more to this caveman than eating and lifting.
“These abs were totally made in the kitchen”
The last six months have involved quite a bit of reflection and evaluation. This brings me back to why I started this blog in the first place. While I enjoy eating, lifting, and chasing the occasional woolly mammoth, I want to tie all of this together in a more meaningful manner.
Before we can get anywhere, let’s work on some goals.
CAVEMAN GOALS (3 MONTHS)
- Gift my loyal readers with at least one article per week
- Continue to hit the gym 5 days per week
- Finish all of my homework assignments when they are assigned
- Spend as much time with Mrs. Caveman and Baby Cavegirl
- Find some measureable goal for all of this working out (Tough Mudder, Marathon, Something)
CAVEMAN GOALS (1 YEAR)
- Maintain one article per week to loyal readers
- Join 1,000 lb. club by 30th birthday
- Finalize path the retirement plans
- Execute measureable goal for the working out
- Ski
Blog Future
So, my loyal readers, you may wonder where we are headed. Well, the following are some topics currently under construction in the Cave:
Caveman Skills
“I made a wheel….. sorta”
Caveman Careers
Caveman Finances
Caveman Cooking
“Bobby Flay said to get a nice sear….”
Caveman Religion
General Happiness through being a Caveman
Until Next Time,
Week 4 Progress Report
I am four weeks into my new-found lifestyle and here to report some useful trends.
Starting Weight: 207 lbs
Starting Body Fat: 23%
Total Body Fat: 47.6 lbs
Weight: 199 lbs (Wahoo! first time under 200 lbs since college)
Body Fat: 20%
Total Body Fat: 39.8 lbs
That is a change of 8 lbs overall and 3 % body fat. For all the haters out there, I use this scale:
http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/escali/body-fat-and-water-scale.html
I also verify the reading using this:
http://www.bodybuilding.com/store/bbcom/defenderbodyfatcaliper.html
They have been within 1% of each other and I have been reporting the higher body fat of the two for this blog.
So, what have we learned so far?
Commitment
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
You have to commit fully to something like this. As I was approaching the 200 lb mark on the scale, I cheated and had a dinner roll one night with family. The following day I was at 202 lbs. WTF!! Some people eat garbage all day and don’t gain two pounds. What I have to remind myself is that when you are transitioning your body composition, it becomes very sensitive to irregularities. When you eat Big Mac’s all the time, your body learns to adjust and the rate at which you get fatter decreases simply because the human body is an incredible machine and doesn’t want you to be a squishy lazy thing. When you start to eat clean and diet, your nutrient uptake is high, your insulin response is altered and something as simple as a cheat donut can wreck a whole week’s worth of work.
I read a lot of fitness blogs and forums these days and I notice dozens of people a day complaining that they blew their weight loss for the week with one or two bad meals.
Remember, Abs are made in the home kitchen, not McDonald’s.
Hydration
That is actually what I look like. No, really.
Now that I am experiencing heightened metabolism and exerting more energy daily, I really need to keep up on my water intake. I shoot for around a gallon a day knowing that some days I will go under. Days where I really drop below that gallon, I am noticeably sluggish the next morning in the gym. Regarding composition, you want to be hydrated early on in something like this so that your body sees that it has tons of water available and doesn’t feel the need to hoard water. So, it is counter intuitive, but drinking more water will cause you to shed water weight.
The Work
All elevators should be “out of order.”
I don’t care if you go to the most expensive gym in the town you live or you work out in your basement, you have to put in the time. I find it hilarious that my coworkers tell me they don’t have an hour a day to workout, but then those same people sit and talk about all the shows they watch on tv daily. “Oh, did you catch American Idol, MadMen, and Biggest Loser last night?” That is a whole lot of couch surfing, but unlike regular surfing, it does not burn calories.
So, I hope to see you all out there. Keep eating clean and keep lifting those heavy things.
Be sure to tell your friends and share me on Facebook!
Week 5: No Excuses, Get in the Gym
In an attempt to follow the path of Jim Wendler and the other pioneers or linear periodization, week 4 heralded the unload week and week 5 is here. Now we can start all over again 🙂
To start the new cycle, I have taken my notes (remember how we track our progress) and added 5 lbs to every lift as goal for this cycle. Now, some of these goals may not be achieved and some will be exceeded. This is why we take notes and adjust on the fly as necessary. If I had to remember all of my weights and reps I would lose my mind and lose focus, which is not something that we want happening in the gym. When a caveman loses focus, it is very similar to the Hulk losing at checkers.
You won’t like me when I’m angry!
Week 5 follows the same path as described here, except heavier.
The week was looking like this:
Monday: Bench
Tuesday: Squats:
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Deadlift
Now, here is where we had a little hiccup. While doing deadlifts, I was able to list a personal best and really repped out the final set. I felt like a freaking machine! It truly is amazing how good form can really up your gains.
When I got home at night, Mrs. Caveman invited me to a boot camp that she does a few days a week. We dropped baby cavegirl off at the babysitter and I thought “gee, I lift, I should be good.”
Man, was I wrong. They brought the intensity for a solid hour and I was wiped. The guy who ran the boot camp Kody Smith really kept us motivated but was I ever exhausted.
Friday Morning
Ugh, the morning after walk of pain….
I said walk of “pain”
Although I didn’t feel much different from this girl.
My muscles were sore. I was tired. I was gassed. How on earth was I suppose to give it 100% in the gym? How nice would it feel to sleep in another hour?
You know what? Not working out is NOT an option.
So, I woke my ass up, fed the cat, drank my shake, kissed the wife and baby and got my ass out of the house.
The Workout
The plan was military press.
The goal:
Warmup
105 x 5
115 x 5
125 x 5 (to failure)
The Result:
Warmup
105 x 5
115 x 3
115 x 2 (at failure)
Do you see what happened there? I still attempted the weight. When I couldn’t complete the set at a given weight, I did NOT add more weight.
Did I complete the set? YES.
Did I reach my goal? NO
Was I upset? HELL NO!
I got my ass in the gym, tired and sore. I worked out at 100%, even though I was at 60%. I listened to my body and avoided injury. I didn’t blindly follow my workout plan. I adapted.
When prehistoric man went on a Mammoth hunt and didn’t see a Mammoth, did he cry about it? Did he get depressed and see a therapist who prescribed meds? NO
He improvised. He hunted something else. He picked some mother f-ing berries. He did what it took to survive.
Now, in the modern world, many of us have the luxury of not living in a life or death scenario. I think this is one of the things that makes us squishy. If you enjoy that luxury, then improvise. Approach your workouts like are a “failure is not an option” sort of scenario. Getting to the gym is how some of you are going to save your own lives. With obesity and diabetes at the rates they are today, getting into the gym and cleaning up our diets is a life or death scenario. Breath in the enormity of that thought. The next time you are tired, sore, hung over, achy, or sick, if you have a workout scheduled you had damn well better improvise.
I made a promise to myself when I started this adventure. I will only ADD workouts. That is all. There is no compromise.
Silence.
I want to see everyone out there, and I don’t want to hear any excuses.
As this develops look forward to some more technical content as well as more diversity in the posts.
Remember to like this shit on Facebook and Tweet me to your friends.
Week 2 Workout: Gloves are for Modern Man
Okay my devoted readers, this week we need to lay some ground rules of what I expect from my cavemen and cavegals when you are in the gym.
Gloves
Why are we wearing gloves in the gym? Now, if you have a special note from your doctor, I will excuse this offense. That is of course, if you can provide me a second opinion as the solution to weak hands is not to handicap those hands with gloves.
People, the purpose of working out is to prepare you for life’s challenges. We do not prepare by limiting our body’s ability to adapt and improve. If you can’t handle the gently textured finish on gym equipment, how do you expect to be able to lift heavy things or help little old ladies when life calls upon you to do this? Will you cry and run to your car and get your gloves? NO. You should be preparing to your body to be ready for these events.
Here is how the body is naturally designed to function.
1. You enter gym
2. You lift weights
3. The limiting factor in the system is identified (the weakest muscle is taxed the most and the one that hurts)
In this case, the limiting factor is the toughness of the skin on your hands.
4. You feel pain. The pain is actually your body identifying it’s short comings and working to resolve them.
5. You body attempts to be better next time.
In most cases, the skin will become more tough over time. Some of you will develop calusses. If you get a blister, don’t panic. That is your body’s way of building from the inside out. Once the blister is gone, you will be better for it.
6. You ARE better next time.
“Look Mom, no gloves!”
Now, if you wear gloves, you won’t get to experience this advantage in life. Your hands will remain weak and someday when life calls on you to be tough, you will potentially fail because you have not prepared for this event in the controlled environment that is the gym.
Disclaimer: Please wear gloves when performing dangerous or hazardous work. My commentary on wearing gloves only applies to the gym – a controlled and generally safe environment.
Now, everyone throw those gloves in a box in the basement and really hit the gym like you mean it. Dial your intensity up and let’s make ourselves better!
Be sure to subscribe to this feed! You will get updates on all of the Caveman tranformations that are coming in the near future.
Week 1 Recap
Okay, everyone bear with me as we have some catching up to do.
Diet
A typical day this week looked something like this:
6:00 Wake
6:15 Whey Protein Shake
6:45 Workout
7:30 Whey Protein Shake
9:00 Oatmeal (Plain) and hard boiled eggs
11:30 Lunch (Leftovers mostly consisting of chicken and either salad or steamed veggies)
2:00 Lowfat Cottage Cheese (The full fat isn’t bad for you, I just don’t like the taste)
4:00 Unsalted mixed nuts
6:00 Dinner (Meat and vegetables here. This week we did chicken, beef, lamb really just trying to mix it up. Lots of grilled vegetables as I love to grill!)
9:00 Casein Protein Shake
10:00 Bed
Exercise
Monday: Deadlift
Tuesday: Bench
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Military Press
Friday: Squat
The Results
The most notable and important but impossible to measure was my wife’s reaction. She is jokingly starting to call me muscles.
Weight: 202
B.F: 22%
So, I lost 5 lbs and 1% body fat in the first week. Not too bad. Stay tuned for more updates. The easiest way to stay tuned is to subscribe to the RSS Feed at the top right.
Thanks!
Week 1: The Theory Begins
So, we have finished up the fat week with three servings of pizza and a case of beer. The photos were taken (you will not be subject to these at this point) and submitted, the measurements were written down, and the cupboards have been emptied of temptation.
Now, everyone is probably wondering why my efforts merit blogging. Well, if this is your first time in cyber space, I will direct you to blogs such as the following*:
*Disclaimer: Please do not visit these sites if you actually value your sanity. I merely reference them to prove a point, and take my word for how much of a waste of time they are.
Now that you have wasted some brain cells, you can see that my little corner of the blogosphere must offer at least something of quality compared to your other options. So, if you have nothing better to do today, read along as we map out my plan of attack on how to get Caveman Shredded.
DIET
“Abs are made in the kitchen”
I had always heard this term, and it never quite sank in. Are we making ab soup? Do I do 1000 crunches a day in the kitchen? Is there something about working out while holding a sandwich that unlocks the primordial goo that will enable us to shred like the Hulk? Nope.
It’s very simple. What you eat, directly determines what you become.
Can you build a brick house out of shit? Perhaps maybe after letting it dry, and then throwing the poo in the trash and driving to home depot and buying bricks. So, unique circumstances and superior logic aside, let’s operate under the premise the in=out and “shit in” = “shit out.” Capiche?
If you would like to read in-depth about some topics we will cover later you can start here:
Cliff notes: High carb, sedentary lifestyles increase cortisol and makes you fat. Lower your carbs and increase your activity and your body will align it’s hormones and naturally reduce your fatassness.
The dietary plan for Caveman?
The Paleo Solution will be followed to about 85%.
Highlights:
High Protein
High Fat
No Gluten
Low Carb
Drink Water
We are not going to count calories or count carbs. We are not going to weigh our food or measure things with calipers. Very simply, pick up the package and read what you are putting into your body. If it says sugar, put it down. Better yet, let’s stop buying things that come in packaging for the most part. Here is how will we will shop:
Go to the store and ask yourself WWCMD? (WHAT WOULD A CAVE MAN DO?)
Would the caveman buy Oreos and Doritos? No.
Would the caveman buy individually sealed and frozen microwave dinners? No. (Hint: He didn’t own a microwave)
MEAT GROUP
A caveman would head straight to the meat department, so that is where we will go. From here, let’s fill our cart up halfway with meat. Let’s be diverse and include beef, chicken, pork, lamb, turkey, and maybe a couple of varieties of fish. Bonus points for choices that include multiple animals in one pass like homemade sausage or “Turducken.”
Cavemen did not live on lean, grass-fed, chicken alone. If he stumbled across a buffalo that had eaten tree bark its whole life, he threw a spear at it, and then cooked up the deliciousness. Pigs eat mostly garbage, but I guarantee if one crossed his path what would he do? Reject the product because it contained fat
NO!!! He would……Eat the pig! Or perhaps in Caveman time periods, there was a substantial risk that the pig would eat our hero. Nevertheless, when popular culture and media tells you to focus on lean, organic, grass-fed blah blah blah – stick your fingers in your ears and hum along as you enjoy your delicious meal.
We are looking for protein and diversity here people, that is all. Do not get bogged down in the details. I guarantee that eating a pork chop from your local grocery store is still a better health decision than a burger and fries from a local fast food restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, if you are already a pro at this Paleo eating thing, there is nothing wrong with picking meat preferentially based on quality. In the early stages of any new plan, we need to focus on simple and the simple tenet here is buy and eat meat!
Now that we have bought close to our body wight in flesh, let’s graze over to the produce section. Now, most grocery stores are going to try to trick you here so watch out for the following issues:
1. Bread aisle in between butcher and produce section
“I bought all this meat, so we need hamburger buns, right?”
No! You are going to learn to eat the meat and love it. We will entertain options for how to enjoy the meal with the bun, but the short version is close your eyes and run screaming through the bread section.
“But they have bread that is all organic, whole grain, flax-seed, omegas, blah blah blah…..”
I stopped listening at bread. I don’t care what they put on the label or what buzz word is driving you towards the bread aisle. If it contains wheat, gluten, flour, bread, any of these words your instruction are to scream and run.
2. Magazine Racks
“Look, look, this magazine has ten ways to lose weight in 10 days.”
Stop listening to pop culture and the media when it comes to your health. There is a reason that we are the most medically advanced in Human History and the life expectancy in the United States is DECREASING!!! The people who publish those magazines do it to make money and sell product. This blog is free, and I will give you all the tools you need to succeed.
VEGGIE GROUP
Your instructions here are simple. Buy as much as you want of the things that come out of the ground as your little heart desires. Exercise moderation with potatoes. Try to mix and match colors.
Buy limited fruit, but you can get enough for one serving per day.
Pick up a variety of raw, unsalted nuts.
That is all. You may now leave the store.
“But Caveman, what about the food pyramid?”
The food pyramid is a scam. I won’t bore you with my tinfoil hat theories. Just know that it is garbage.
“What is the purpose of the rest of the store?”
Stores are businesses and they make money. They make more money off processed food and garbage. Buy the fresh stuff, the other stuff will survive on the shelf. Ie. not your problem.
Can I buy things like toilet paper?
YES
EXERCISE
No caveman is complete without ripply abs and big arms. So, the theory here is to get big and strong.
The theory is simple and it goes like this:
Muscle burns fat
Fat is undesirable
Muscle is then desirable
We are going to follow a very simple plan developed by Jim Wendler
Buy the book if you want to know all the ins and out and details. I have read it and am going to break it down very simply here, but the credit goes to Jim.
Lift, Eat, Water, Sleep
My workout routine focuses on building muscle up front assuming that as the body increases muscle mass, it will increase the average daily caloric load, which is turn will burn fat.
“But Caveman, everyone I see at the gym spends hours on the treadmill”
Some cardio is okay. Lots of cardio is a waste of time. Do you see Lion’s running laps around the Serengeti? No. They save their energy for when they need it. The hunt. And this is how you should approach your life. Also, ask yourself if you think you would rather look like a professional marathoner or a sprinter?
Which person do you think get’s more action?
I mean, some people may enjoy the skeleton on the left, but my experience at the bars in the wild has been that the person on the right would be more successful when dealing with the opposite sex, job interviews, looking good in formal clothes, and not hurting themself when siting down.
Workout Plan
Monday:
Military Press
Tuesday:
Squat
Wednesday:
Optional High Intensity Cardio
Thursday:
Bench Press
Friday:
Dead Lift
That’s it. It’s truly easy to follow. I use the calculator found in Jim Wendler’s blogspace to calculate my reps and plan my sets. But essentially this is all I do.
“But Caveman, I do 100 reps at 5% of my 1RM (1 rep max – ie. the most you can lift)”
You are wasting time and are part of the reason I wish I could afford to open my own gym. I would establish a 45 minute time limit and start throwing people out at that point. I would also not have televisions in my gym.
Stop the nonsense of low weight, high rep. Go into the gym, lift heavy things*, achieve hypertrophy, become strong, and your body will love you for it.
*Please consult with you physician before any exercise plan. I don’t enjoy being sued.
“But caveman, I can only work out 4 days a week”
Eliminate the cardio day
“But Cavemen, I can only work out 3 days a week”
Now you are making excuses and starting to bother me. If you own a television, and it is ever on, then you have time to go to the gym. If you cannot afford a gym membership, there are plenty of heavy things you can lift at home, starting with your own fast ass. If your ass is not fat enough to elicit muscle hypertrophy, lift your neighbor, he probably has a huge ass.
“But Caveman, excuses, excuses, excuses, ”
When asked how he was so productive, Richard Branson responded with ““Work out.” If one of the richest people in the world, who manages multinational corporations and jet sets constantly can work out, so can the rest of us.
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS
Some of the best advise I ever received was people don’t do what you expect, they do what you inspect.
If you do not track your progress, you will probably fail.
Do the following:
1. Weigh in
2. Measure body fat
3. Measure body dimensions (go to www.bodybuilding.com for instructions and some really good tracking sheets)
4. Keep a record of your workouts and enter them into an online format
5. Record your meals (Mrs. Caveman goes as far as taking pictures of everything she eats)
6. Find like-minded people and share in the joys of better health
7. Compete – Human beings are driven to compete. If you enjoy running, sign up for a Tough Mudder. If you like lifting, see about entering a body changes contest like Summer Shred. Whatever the case, find some way to compete. I guarantee that it will provide motivation and spark something inside you that perhaps you have never felt. That feeling is excitement and the primal urge to win.
CAVEMAN STARTING STATS
Weight: 207 lbs
B.F: 23%
Height: 5’11”
GET PRIMAL!!!
So, let’s all hit the grocery store, donate your junk food to a charity, find heavy things to lift and let’s starting getting our lives headed in the right direction.
Also, this is a very new blog space for me, so comment, tell your friends, and pass this information along. Facebook, Twitter, etc is coming…
Caveman Adventures 
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