The Anti-Paleo Update (Day 4)
So, 4 days into wrecking my body for financial gain and I figured it was time for an update.For those of you just tuning in, I am currently fatting up in order to take a satisfactory “before” photo for a bodybuilding contest. Cash, prizes, and fame are on the line, so it is essential that we sandbag, lie, cheat and steal. Mrs. Caveman needs a vacation and the spoils of this contest will hopefully get us there.
So far this week, we have been successful at being “Anti-Paleo.” I wasn’t able to take pictures of the twice McDonalds greatness or the Carl’s Jr. wonderment simply because my caveman paws lunged for the food before proof could be attained.
One perk to the corporate office life is that there is no shortage of provided lunches. Yesterday, we were treated to delicious breakfast burritos from the bar next door.
Mmmmm….. Sleepy Time
Notice the shear disregard for human figures with the copious amounts of bacon, cheese, sour cream, oversized deliciously gluten filled tortilla, and did I mention bacon? Also, nothing hates waistlines more than delicious chips. The quinessential empty calorie. We all know that most renditions of prehistoric man are of him holding crisps and sitting on his ass.
Today, we ventured to the local hotdog eatery where their interpretation of “jumbo” was skewed but the spoils were still delicious.
So good, couldnt take a picture without biting it
Bread, bread, and fries. MMMMmmmmmm….. The Homer Simpson in all of us drools…..
I am pretty sure there was protein somewhere on that plate, and the greens serve no purpose other than to trick us into thinking we are being healthy.
I am hoping that my body will survive until Sunday. I can definitely tell that as the week progresses I get sleepier in the afternoons and my motivation is shrinking. Truly, this is why Cavemen invented tools, fire, and eventually farmed. It was so that we could all feel lethargic and sleepy in the afternoons and plunk down on our couches once the sun goes down and wait for television to get dull enough for us to cash in for the night. Our prehistoric forefathers would be proud…
Stay tuned to see if I even survive it to the weigh in.
The Anti-Paleo Solution
Over the years, I have been a bit of a diet fiend. Soup diets, juicing diets, gluten free, carb free, all raw, etc.
Starting March 25, 2013 I am entering the bodybuilding.com Summer Shred contest
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/2013-bsn-summer-shred-challenge.html
Edit: That is not me in the photos.
So, in order to take a good “before’ photo, I need to make sure I look as fat and miserable as possible so that the after photo is that much better.
Checklist for before photo:
Pale skin
Need a haircut
No gym for a week before
As flabby and bloated as possible
The pale part is easy since it is still winter in Colorado. I am in desperate need of a haircut, so we can hold off for one more week. And I am enjoying sleeping in this week and skipping the gym.
Now the fun part – Looking flabby and bloated.
I have one week to effectively be fat and disgusting knowing that on Monday March 25, 2013 it will all change. This will all culminate on Saturday night when my family goes to Crave, a local burger restaurant. Stay tuned for the related story.
The meal plan:
A year ago I read The Paleo Solution: The Original Human Diet by Robb Wolf. You can find more information here http://robbwolf.com/shop/products/the-paleo-solution-the-original-human-diet/
Since I had experienced solid results eating Paleo, the only natural assumption would be to eat the opposite for fat and flabby results. So this week my diet will consist of:
Processed Food
Fast Food
Bread, Bread, Bread
Anything Gluten
Processed sugars
Any junk food I can think of craving over the next 12 weeks.
On Sunday we will weigh in and take photos and all of you Caveman Adventurers can track my progress every week right here.
Stay tuned for reviews on how to pack on the pounds right before we dive into removing the pounds!
Caveman Adventures 
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