Week 5: No Excuses, Get in the Gym
In an attempt to follow the path of Jim Wendler and the other pioneers or linear periodization, week 4 heralded the unload week and week 5 is here. Now we can start all over again 🙂
To start the new cycle, I have taken my notes (remember how we track our progress) and added 5 lbs to every lift as goal for this cycle. Now, some of these goals may not be achieved and some will be exceeded. This is why we take notes and adjust on the fly as necessary. If I had to remember all of my weights and reps I would lose my mind and lose focus, which is not something that we want happening in the gym. When a caveman loses focus, it is very similar to the Hulk losing at checkers.
You won’t like me when I’m angry!
Week 5 follows the same path as described here, except heavier.
The week was looking like this:
Monday: Bench
Tuesday: Squats:
Wednesday: Cardio
Thursday: Deadlift
Now, here is where we had a little hiccup. While doing deadlifts, I was able to list a personal best and really repped out the final set. I felt like a freaking machine! It truly is amazing how good form can really up your gains.
When I got home at night, Mrs. Caveman invited me to a boot camp that she does a few days a week. We dropped baby cavegirl off at the babysitter and I thought “gee, I lift, I should be good.”
Man, was I wrong. They brought the intensity for a solid hour and I was wiped. The guy who ran the boot camp Kody Smith really kept us motivated but was I ever exhausted.
Friday Morning
Ugh, the morning after walk of pain….
I said walk of “pain”
Although I didn’t feel much different from this girl.
My muscles were sore. I was tired. I was gassed. How on earth was I suppose to give it 100% in the gym? How nice would it feel to sleep in another hour?
You know what? Not working out is NOT an option.
So, I woke my ass up, fed the cat, drank my shake, kissed the wife and baby and got my ass out of the house.
The Workout
The plan was military press.
The goal:
Warmup
105 x 5
115 x 5
125 x 5 (to failure)
The Result:
Warmup
105 x 5
115 x 3
115 x 2 (at failure)
Do you see what happened there? I still attempted the weight. When I couldn’t complete the set at a given weight, I did NOT add more weight.
Did I complete the set? YES.
Did I reach my goal? NO
Was I upset? HELL NO!
I got my ass in the gym, tired and sore. I worked out at 100%, even though I was at 60%. Â I listened to my body and avoided injury. I didn’t blindly follow my workout plan. I adapted.
When prehistoric man went on a Mammoth hunt and didn’t see a Mammoth, did he cry about it? Did he get depressed and see a therapist who prescribed meds? NO
He improvised. He hunted something else. He picked some mother f-ing berries. He did what it took to survive.
Now, in the modern world, many of us have the luxury of not living in a life or death scenario. I think this is one of the things that makes us squishy. If you enjoy that luxury, then improvise. Approach your workouts like are a “failure is not an option” sort of scenario. Getting to the gym is how some of you are going to save your own lives. With obesity and diabetes at the rates they are today, getting into the gym and cleaning up our diets is a life or death scenario. Breath in the enormity of that thought. The next time you are tired, sore, hung over, achy, or sick, if you have a workout scheduled you had damn well better improvise.
I made a promise to myself when I started this adventure. I will only ADD workouts. That is all. There is no compromise.
Silence.
I want to see everyone out there, and I don’t want to hear any excuses.
As this develops look forward to some more technical content as well as more diversity in the posts.
Remember to like this shit on Facebook and Tweet me to your friends.
Week 1: The Theory Begins
So, we have finished up the fat week with three servings of pizza and a case of beer. The photos were taken (you will not be subject to these at this point) and submitted, the measurements were written down, and the cupboards have been emptied of temptation.
Now, everyone is probably wondering why my efforts merit blogging. Well, if this is your first time in cyber space, I will direct you to blogs such as the following*:
*Disclaimer: Please do not visit these sites if you actually value your sanity. I merely reference them to prove a point, and take my word for how much of a waste of time they are.
Now that you have wasted some brain cells, you can see that my little corner of the blogosphere must offer at least something of quality compared to your other options. So, if you have nothing better to do today, read along as we map out my plan of attack on how to get Caveman Shredded.
DIET
“Abs are made in the kitchen”
I had always heard this term, and it never quite sank in. Are we making ab soup? Do I do 1000 crunches a day in the kitchen? Is there something about working out while holding a sandwich that unlocks the primordial goo that will enable us to shred like the Hulk? Nope.
It’s very simple. What you eat, directly determines what you become.
Can you build a brick house out of shit? Perhaps maybe after letting it dry, and then throwing the poo in the trash and driving to home depot and buying bricks. So, unique circumstances and superior logic aside, let’s operate under the premise the in=out and “shit in” = “shit out.” Capiche?
If you would like to read in-depth about some topics we will cover later you can start here:
Cliff notes: High carb, sedentary lifestyles increase cortisol and makes you fat. Lower your carbs and increase your activity and your body will align it’s hormones and naturally reduce your fatassness.
The dietary plan for Caveman?
The Paleo Solution will be followed to about 85%.
Highlights:
High Protein
High Fat
No Gluten
Low Carb
Drink Water
We are not going to count calories or count carbs. We are not going to weigh our food or measure things with calipers. Very simply, pick up the package and read what you are putting into your body. If it says sugar, put it down. Better yet, let’s stop buying things that come in packaging for the most part. Here is how will we will shop:
Go to the store and ask yourself WWCMD? (WHAT WOULD A CAVE MAN DO?)
Would the caveman buy Oreos and Doritos? No.
Would the caveman buy individually sealed and frozen microwave dinners? No. (Hint: He didn’t own a microwave)
MEAT GROUP
A caveman would head straight to the meat department, so that is where we will go. From here, let’s fill our cart up halfway with meat. Let’s be diverse and include beef, chicken, pork, lamb, turkey, and maybe a couple of varieties of fish. Bonus points for choices that include multiple animals in one pass like homemade sausage or “Turducken.”
Cavemen did not live on lean, grass-fed, chicken alone. If he stumbled across a buffalo that had eaten tree bark its whole life, he threw a spear at it, and then cooked up the deliciousness. Pigs eat mostly garbage, but I guarantee if one crossed his path what would he do? Reject the product because it contained fatÂ
NO!!! He would……Eat the pig! Or perhaps in Caveman time periods, there was a substantial risk that the pig would eat our hero. Nevertheless, when popular culture and media tells you to focus on lean, organic, grass-fed blah blah blah – stick your fingers in your ears and hum along as you enjoy your delicious meal.
We are looking for protein and diversity here people, that is all. Do not get bogged down in the details. I guarantee that eating a pork chop from your local grocery store is still a better health decision than a burger and fries from a local fast food restaurant. Don’t get me wrong, if you are already a pro at this Paleo eating thing, there is nothing wrong with picking meat preferentially based on quality. In the early stages of any new plan, we need to focus on simple and the simple tenet here is buy and eat meat!
Now that we have bought close to our body wight in flesh, let’s graze over to the produce section. Now, most grocery stores are going to try to trick you here so watch out for the following issues:
1. Bread aisle in between butcher and produce section
“I bought all this meat, so we need hamburger buns, right?”
No! You are going to learn to eat the meat and love it. We will entertain options for how to enjoy the meal with the bun, but the short version is close your eyes and run screaming through the bread section.
“But they have bread that is all organic, whole grain, flax-seed, omegas, blah blah blah…..”
I stopped listening at bread. I don’t care what they put on the label or what buzz word is driving you towards the bread aisle. If it contains wheat, gluten, flour, bread, any of these words your instruction are to scream and run.
2. Magazine Racks
“Look, look, this magazine has ten ways to lose weight in 10 days.”
Stop listening to pop culture and the media when it comes to your health. There is a reason that we are the most medically advanced in Human History and the life expectancy in the United States is DECREASING!!! The people who publish those magazines do it to make money and sell product. This blog is free, and I will give you all the tools you need to succeed.
VEGGIE GROUP
Your instructions here are simple. Buy as much as you want of the things that come out of the ground as your little heart desires. Exercise moderation with potatoes. Try to mix and match colors.
Buy limited fruit, but you can get enough for one serving per day.
Pick up a variety of raw, unsalted nuts.
That is all. You may now leave the store.
“But Caveman, what about the food pyramid?”
The food pyramid is a scam. I won’t bore you with my tinfoil hat theories. Just know that it is garbage.
“What is the purpose of the rest of the store?”
Stores are businesses and they make money. They make more money off processed food and garbage. Buy the fresh stuff, the other stuff will survive on the shelf. Ie. not your problem.
Can I buy things like toilet paper?
YES
EXERCISE
No caveman is complete without ripply abs and big arms. So, the theory here is to get big and strong.
The theory is simple and it goes like this:
Muscle burns fat
Fat is undesirable
Muscle is then desirable
We are going to follow a very simple plan developed by Jim Wendler
Buy the book if you want to know all the ins and out and details. I have read it and am going to break it down very simply here, but the credit goes to Jim.
Lift, Eat, Water, Sleep
My workout routine focuses on building muscle up front assuming that as the body increases muscle mass, it will increase the average daily caloric load, which is turn will burn fat.
“But Caveman, everyone I see at the gym spends hours on the treadmill”
Some cardio is okay. Lots of cardio is a waste of time. Do you see Lion’s running laps around the Serengeti? No. They save their energy for when they need it. The hunt. And this is how you should approach your life. Also, ask yourself if you think you would rather look like a professional marathoner or a sprinter?
Which person do you think get’s more action?
I mean, some people may enjoy the skeleton on the left, but my experience at the bars in the wild has been that the person on the right would be more successful when dealing with the opposite sex, job interviews, looking good in formal clothes, and not hurting themself when siting down.
Workout Plan
Monday:
Military Press
Tuesday:
Squat
Wednesday:
Optional High Intensity Cardio
Thursday:
Bench Press
Friday:
Dead Lift
That’s it. It’s truly easy to follow. I use the calculator found in Jim Wendler’s blogspace to calculate my reps and plan my sets. But essentially this is all I do.
“But Caveman, I do 100 reps at 5% of my 1RM (1 rep max – ie. the most you can lift)”
You are wasting time and are part of the reason I wish I could afford to open my own gym. I would establish a 45 minute time limit and start throwing people out at that point. I would also not have televisions in my gym.
Stop the nonsense of low weight, high rep. Go into the gym, lift heavy things*, achieve hypertrophy, become strong, and your body will love you for it.
*Please consult with you physician before any exercise plan. I don’t enjoy being sued.
“But caveman, I can only work out 4 days a week”
Eliminate the cardio day
“But Cavemen, I can only work out 3 days a week”
Now you are making excuses and starting to bother me. If you own a television, and it is ever on, then you have time to go to the gym. If you cannot afford a gym membership, there are plenty of heavy things you can lift at home, starting with your own fast ass. If your ass is not fat enough to elicit muscle hypertrophy, lift your neighbor, he probably has a huge ass.
“But Caveman, excuses, excuses, excuses, ”
When asked how he was so productive, Richard Branson responded with ““Work out.” If one of the richest people in the world, who manages multinational corporations and jet sets constantly can work out, so can the rest of us.
TRACK YOUR PROGRESS
Some of the best advise I ever received was people don’t do what you expect, they do what you inspect.
If you do not track your progress, you will probably fail.
Do the following:
1. Weigh in
2. Measure body fat
3. Measure body dimensions (go to www.bodybuilding.com for instructions and some really good tracking sheets)
4. Keep a record of your workouts and enter them into an online format
5. Record your meals (Mrs. Caveman goes as far as taking pictures of everything she eats)
6. Find like-minded people and share in the joys of better health
7. Compete – Human beings are driven to compete. If you enjoy running, sign up for a Tough Mudder. If you like lifting, see about entering a body changes contest like Summer Shred. Whatever the case, find some way to compete. I guarantee that it will provide motivation and spark something inside you that perhaps you have never felt. That feeling is excitement and the primal urge to win.
CAVEMAN STARTING STATS
Weight: 207 lbs
B.F: 23%
Height: 5’11”
GET PRIMAL!!!
So, let’s all hit the grocery store, donate your junk food to a charity, find heavy things to lift and let’s starting getting our lives headed in the right direction.
Also, this is a very new blog space for me, so comment, tell your friends, and pass this information along. Facebook, Twitter, etc is coming…
Caveman Adventures 
Recent Comments